I return.
Because of the current investigation of my blog by the House Un-American Activities Committee, I will no longer be naming the names of any of my friends. So I have decided that the first new entry should be all about me. If you know me, you know it’s not that hard for me to turn the focus that way. So here are a few things about me people might not know.
1. I like to read when I’m drunk. I will get home from the bar and read. This is a slow process and I usually don’t get very far. I always have to reread the information the next day and sometimes don’t remember reading it until I try again and feel like I am experiencing Déjà vu (a word I can only spell because of the strip club near where I grew up with the same names).
2. In an attempt to be witty I like to make my own phrases they never seem to catch on. I will say, “What’s the frequency, Kenneth?” to ask someone what’s happening or what’s the plan, etc. After the last time I said this, I thought no one remembers that REM song. Then I realized something; no one ever got that comment. Even when I started saying that in High School and that album was new and somewhat popular, no one understood me. I guess I am too smart for them.
3. I am afraid of Zombies. This is like a big deal to me. Some people know this but I think that there is not a real understanding to why. It has to do with the people you love turning into monsters. You having to kill them. There maybe more to this fear something that I might want to delve into next time I go to therapy. Though with this fear I can’t get away from it. I find myself drawn to it. I own Dawn of the Dead (2004) and Land of Dead (fast zombies are scarier) I also own the Zombie Survival Guide Handbook. I am thinking about investing (yes, I said investing) in a Zombie survival kit. This would have the basics water, canned food for surviving a time period, but also a handgun, shotgun, and a sword. (You don’t have to reload a sword)* but I would probably just hurt myself., so I haven’t bought it yet. I have also recently purchased from ebay, the complete Marvel Zombies comic series (yes comics. I’m a fucking’ nerd!) So if it comes time to fight a war against Zombies I am ready to go. Or run and hide, I haven’t decided.
*I stole this line, I am not that creative.
1. I like to read when I’m drunk. I will get home from the bar and read. This is a slow process and I usually don’t get very far. I always have to reread the information the next day and sometimes don’t remember reading it until I try again and feel like I am experiencing Déjà vu (a word I can only spell because of the strip club near where I grew up with the same names).
2. In an attempt to be witty I like to make my own phrases they never seem to catch on. I will say, “What’s the frequency, Kenneth?” to ask someone what’s happening or what’s the plan, etc. After the last time I said this, I thought no one remembers that REM song. Then I realized something; no one ever got that comment. Even when I started saying that in High School and that album was new and somewhat popular, no one understood me. I guess I am too smart for them.
3. I am afraid of Zombies. This is like a big deal to me. Some people know this but I think that there is not a real understanding to why. It has to do with the people you love turning into monsters. You having to kill them. There maybe more to this fear something that I might want to delve into next time I go to therapy. Though with this fear I can’t get away from it. I find myself drawn to it. I own Dawn of the Dead (2004) and Land of Dead (fast zombies are scarier) I also own the Zombie Survival Guide Handbook. I am thinking about investing (yes, I said investing) in a Zombie survival kit. This would have the basics water, canned food for surviving a time period, but also a handgun, shotgun, and a sword. (You don’t have to reload a sword)* but I would probably just hurt myself., so I haven’t bought it yet. I have also recently purchased from ebay, the complete Marvel Zombies comic series (yes comics. I’m a fucking’ nerd!) So if it comes time to fight a war against Zombies I am ready to go. Or run and hide, I haven’t decided.
*I stole this line, I am not that creative.
posted by Jason Wakefield at 11:22 PM
2 Comments:
Dear Mr. "FFT" Wakefield,
I too am deathly afraid of zombies. Not so much the fear of my loved ones turning into horrible creatures and trying to eat my brains, but moreso that they will get me and I will become a zombie too, turning against my loved ones and trying to rip out their innards.
Would they still see me? Would I still be me? Would I have a shred of self-knowledge left and see how horrible I've become in my undead quest for cranial matter? These are questions I hope to never have to answer.
Unlike yourself, I do not arm myself with anti-zombie knowledge -- it just freaks me out too much. Each and every time I see a zombie movie (even 28 Days Later), it keeps me from sleeping for days. I spend the next week or so checking to see how easy it would be for zombies to break in to the house and kill me while I am sleeping, also considering that zombies may or may not have supernatural strength.
I mean, they're already living dead, why wouldn't they also have supernatural strength?
I have to concentrate for at least 4 hours non-stop on why zombies are rationally impossible before I can go back to "normal", whatever that means.
I didn't check to see how old this post is, but I am terrified of zombies. I can watch ANY horror movie and laugh my way through it - I like to think because I am pretty rational - but zombie movies? I lose it.
I couldn't even watch the commercials for Dawn of the Dead (2004) - the invention of fast-moving zombies is the worst ever.
I think my fear comes from the true hopelessness of it. Once the outbreak starts and zombies start spreading, what is there to stop it? (fast moving ones of course)
You can't. They'll eventually take over the entire world. You will eventually die. What is the point of trying to make a stand? You'll inevitably be surrounded, overpowered, and you will be ripped to shreds.
My only plan of action if zombies ever exist (which I try to rationalize won't happen, but hey - I'm not THAT rational)? Kill myself and get it over with.
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